In regards to marriage, what is love? Without question, it is a wonderful romantic feeling and attraction two people feel for each other. However, it is – and must be – much more than simply a feeling (or a thought). Love is a verb; and thus, it absolutely requires action to stay alive!

So, is it possible to ‘fall out of love’? While many marriages unfortunately do fail for a variety of reasons, if one is trying to justify a divorce by using the phrase of ‘I fell out of love,’ they should ask – did I, or did I choose to? Using that unfortunate phrase is often just an excuse for a lack of ability to control one’s thoughts, a cover up of another selfish reason, or simply a lack of effort to show the necessary ‘action’ to keep love alive.

It is important to note though, that individuals and families everywhere are daily bombarded and influenced by the immoral TV shows and movies, advertisements and commercials, and the websites and magazines that fill our minds and eyes with thoughts and images that certainly don’t contribute in any way to building and strengthening marriages. Companies profit from immorality, and in the process – values are mocked, infidelity is portrayed as acceptable, lives are destroyed, and families fall apart. At a time when children most need parents committed to each other, and to the family, the influences of our sexually liberal society continually win by slowly getting men (and women) to think improper thoughts, that lead to actions, and then to habits, and eventually to yet another marriage and family being destroyed.

Thankfully, there are good men and women everywhere who stay true to their commitments regardless of how difficult life may get, or how culturally popular and acceptable infidelity is portrayed by the media. And let us never forget that the media’s only purpose and goal is to create shock value and make money – not to portray the actual commonly-held values that keep our society strong. Thus, may we always remember that the temporary and selfish satisfaction we obtain from improper thoughts and actions always result in misery, guilt, regret, and possible failure. Comparatively, living up to commitments, daily putting forth effort to be faithful in thought and action, and never fleeing from our responsibilities to our spouse and children – these are the very things that cultivate our inner character, keep our society strong, and always results in personal happiness and marital / family success.

Both paths of these diverging forks bring with them certain appeal, benefits, drawbacks, as well as consequences. The fork on the left, for example, is often much more appealing because the path is usually paved, it is always full of fellow travelers, and looks a whole lot easier than the fork on the right. In fact, sometimes it actually appears that the fork on the left is heading in the same direction as the fork on the right; however, slowly and subtly that path separates and eventually ends up miles away. Despite the ease, popularity, and instant appeal the left fork often brings, the unfortunate reality and consequence is that it also always leads to rougher roads, fellow travelers abandoning you, and the initial comfort and gratification is always replaced by regret, loneliness, and eventually being lost.

Comparatively, the fork on the right usually seems much more difficult to journey on initially, and it is always less traveled because of the effort, unfamiliarity, and unpopularity of that path. Interestingly enough, many who choose to go right at these pivotal and frequent forks in the journey of life, will eventually decide to go left somewhere down the road. Why? The fork on the right usually is unpaved initially, filled with potholes and gravel, deserted and lonely in many places, and can even seem like you are going in circles because you keep going right at each fork. However, those travelers who have made the long and difficult journey and chosen to go right at the majority of forks will collectively agree that the path may have been initially daunting, lonely at times, and filled with potholes – but it was certainly worth both the effort as well as the reward at the end of the path.

As is obvious, the right fork is the right fork. And yet thankfully, even if we choose to go left at certain forks along this journey we call ‘life,’ we will inevitably come to another fork in the road where we will yet again be granted the decision to choose the right fork. The great test of life is not only having the courage and determination to choose and walk the path of the right fork – but to choose the right fork at every right fork, and to persist in faith and effort regardless of how difficult and unpopular the journey may become.

1) Don’t Become Like Men: Every woman was born with innate qualities and natural abilities that men simply don’t have. Be proud of and nurture these attributes, intuitions, talents, personalities, and desires. Be a woman, and realize you naturally are tender, gentle, nurturing, patient, thoughtful, unselfish, approachable, and loving. Unfortunately, all too often our culture convinces women that somehow being gentle, kind, or motherly is somehow inferior or not viewed as successful. Wrong! Women can still compete, lead, and be successful in the work place and anywhere without foregoing their womanly attributes. More importantly, never forget the positive influence a ‘woman’s touch’ can have on children, men, and society.

2) Are You Pornography: Generally speaking, men struggle much more with this modern slavery and addiction we call pornography. And yet, we continue to try and find solutions to the problem, without addressing the problem. Yes some solutions are good, such as: teaching men to control their thoughts and become more self-disciplined; attacking the porn industry; passing legislation; having pop-up blockers or ‘talks’ with our sons; etc. However, perhaps the solution to the problem is actually teaching our daughters and women everywhere not to dress, act like, and become pornography themselves. Unfortunately, the reality is that pornography, immodesty, and infidelity will continue to dominate our culture and media – because it makes money. But that is no excuse for any woman to justify immodesty, virtue, and purity simply because the masses are doing it or because it pays well.

3) True Beauty: True beauty is not found in the reflection of a mirror, it comes to those who seek to be honest, happy, and pure. And yet our culture engrains into the minds of women everywhere that to be beautiful, one must load their face with makeup, benefit from plastic surgery, and be as immodest and immoral. The word ‘hot’ has unfortunately replaced the word ‘beautiful’ – and not only do they have completely different definitions, one connotes selfish lustfulness, while the other radiates goodness, purity, unselfishness, and true happiness. With that said, please don’t get me wrong – I feel it is extremely important for every woman to seek to be ‘beautiful.’ They need to do their hair, put makeup on, wear nice clothes, and seek to be attractive; but, ensure in so doing that they are becoming truly ‘beautiful’ – and not just ‘hot.’

4) Is the TV a Babysitter and Influencer: To you mothers – how much time do your children spend in front of the TV? To women everywhere – how much time do you spend in front of the TV? An honest answer to these important questions will reveal much about ours and our children’s character, and who it is being shaped by. Children need mothers, love, and attention – not electronics! Thus, turn off the TV a little more and make time for your children. Lastly, to women everywhere – perhaps one of the greatest solutions to overcoming the self-esteem issues, eating disorders, gossiping habits, comparing and worrying, and unhealthy images of worth and beauty that every woman struggles and deals with would be solved if they turned off the TV and put down the magazines a little more often.

5) Be Yourself … Don’t Be Plastic: Be proud of, content with, and confident in who you are. Women everywhere need to stop picking up the magazines, looking at the advertisements, and watching the TV shows and movies and comparing themselves to these models and actors. Usually, the majority of these models, actors, and women in the magazines and on TV are all fake and plastic anyway. They load their faces with make-up, have countless plastic surgery’s or excess weight removed, stand under perfect lighting, and then the company air brushes the photo/picture anyway to make them look even more beautiful (fake and unnatural). I know it is easier said than done, but happy is the woman who can be proud of and confident in who they are, and not compare themselves to other women – whether it is the woman on the magazine cover or the neighbor down the street.

6) Put Family First & Develop Character: Success in life should not be determined by the amount of education we obtain, the cars we drive, the achievements in our career, the awards won, the house we own, the friends or connections we have, or the clothes we wear. True success should be measured by the attributes we develop, the person we become, and the people we help. Thus, no matter what a woman accomplishes or obtains, it means nothing if she fails in her own person life, in her home, or with her family.

7) Be Educated & Contribute to the World: With everything that has been said, let me be clear about one thing – in all of this important advice to women, in no way am I suggesting that women should be bare foot, changing diapers, cooking meals, doing laundry, confined to the house, and thus ignorant to the world. Quite the contrary! Although family and children should most certainly be the priority, women should and must also be involved, educated, leaders, and contributors to society. Whether a stay at home mother, a teenage daughter, an elderly woman, or a woman in the work force – women have value, brains, skills, ideas, and talents that must be shared to benefit communities, businesses, minds, nations, families and mankind.

Demand That Men Treat You Respectfully: Regardless of what our culture and the media portray, and despite the fact that men generally have stopped treating women like women, this does not negate the fact that you are a woman who deserves respect. While men must do better about treating women with respect in their thoughts, words, and actions – women can also do more in demanding this proper respect in an appropriate way. It starts with you personally respecting yourself, your body, your virtues, and your natural – and wonderful – womanly attributes. And then it continues by demanding that men not treat you like a sexual object, but as a woman to be loved and respected.

9) Stop Gossiping, Comparing, & Worrying: Easier said than done, right! However, this vitally important advice is one of the key ingredients to experiencing happiness as a woman. This is an ability and attribute that is certainly not developed overnight, and it takes effort; but, the moment you can stop gossiping with and about others, comparing yourself to other women, and worrying about things out of your control (or things not needing to be worried about) – it is then you will experience real peace, limited stress, self-worth, and true happiness.

Again, never forget that true beauty in a woman is not found in the reflection of a mirror, it comes only to those who seek to be honest, happy, and pure. Each of the principles described above essentially communicate this same message – that character is far more important than appearance. Should this suggest that women thus need not worry about their appearance? Absolutely not! Women must make an effort to exercise, eat healthy, be educated, be involved, be informed, and be beautiful also. But they should also remember that purity and modesty is far more attractive than excessive make up, immoral actions, and revealing clothing. They should realize that in most cases, surgical procedures to enhance or tuck (or whatever) not only communicate that plastic is more beautiful than purity, but that self-worth is determined by appearance and the opinions of others rather than an inner confidence of who God created us to be. They should also realize that being educated and informed is far more important than wasting time in gossip and celebrity magazines. And perhaps most importantly, women everywhere should never forget the absolute honor, necessity, and beauty of being a mother, wife, daughter, and woman who radiates self-confidence, happiness, and purity!

Often we hear the famously quoted words of Abraham Lincoln who said: “all that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” While that is certainly true for me as well, I would confidently add that all that I have become and accomplished, and the very person I am striving to be like, is my own angel father. My father not only taught me how to live, but more importantly, exemplified how I should live. And while my father certainly did accomplish incredible things, advanced in his career, provided wonderfully for his family, and gave us all we ever needed – these things are insignificant comparatively to the much more important things he provided, taught, and exemplified.

However, fathers and men everywhere must never forget that teaching and implementing these principles below takes effort, consistency, and is certainly difficult at times. But as my father can attest – it is certainly worth it. And, I am sure my dad would be the first to agree that when all is said and done, dealing with the disappointments of certain failures is far easier than dealing with the disappointment of certain successes if those successes were not the right successes. Real success in life, as my father taught and exemplified – and which each man must seek to emulate – is made evident in the few principles below, which reveals and leads to the real successes of life!

1) Help with the housework: When was the last time you did the dishes, swept the floor, cleaned the bathroom, or straightened up the house? Your participation in these activities is essential to ensure a happy marriage. We need to eliminate from our minds the inaccurate perception that these duties belong to a woman. Such a mentality is ignorant and selfish! Be a man and learn to help around the house.

2) Be completely true to your wife in thought, speech, and action: The long and slow path that leads to divorce and families breaking up often starts with inappropriate thoughts. Those thoughts lead to actions, those actions become habits, and our habits eventually shape our character and eventual destiny. Be true to your wife in thought! Speak kindly to her and about her! And be completely kind, tender, and loving to her, and do nothing to be untrue to her.

3) Spend more time with your children: Have you ever heard of a man saying this on his death-bed: “I wish I had spent more time at the office.” Despite the many pressures and responsibilities we face, let’s properly prioritize our time and activities and make more time for those we love and need the most. Your children need you and hunger for your attention – make a resolve to spend more time with them.

4) Control your temper, passions, appetites, addictions, and tongue: The man who is self-disciplined is powerful. Virtue and purity provide strength and confidence. Being slow to anger and able to control our temper is a sign of maturity. Learning to eat properly and exercise often will enhance all other aspects of life. And finally, he who can withdraw from and abstain from the tempting addictions this world so prevalently makes available – that is a man in control and who resultantly has limitless power and potential.

5) Ensure family is a greater priority than work: I know … easier said than done when the boss is riding you, the deadline is approaching, and the promotion is so near, etc. Of course there will need to be a balance in all things; however, is our family the top priority? It should be. And if it is not, we will be that sad and regretful man on the death-bed exclaiming: “I wish I would have spent more time with my family.”

6) Make sure you have one-on-one talks with each child – often: Be involved in your kids lives. Talk to them, and listen to them. Provide opportunities for them to come to you and ‘just talk.’ Go on daddy-daughter or daddy-son dates. Be their friend. Ensure that when they are faced with temptation, become curious, have a question, or face the pressures they inevitably will face – they come to you first.

7) Show your children that you love their mother: You do this in the home – and out of the home – by thought, word, and action. Happy and healthy is the child who knows that their father is true to and in love with their mother.

Have a ‘Family Nights’ together often: Turn off the TV, put the video games away, shut off the computer, and watch fewer movies and spend more time as a family together. Just get together and play games, talk, laugh, and have fun together. It may seem like a little thing; however, if consistently done over time – your family and children will be positively impacted emotionally, socially, intellectually, morally, as well as physically.

Fathers and husbands everywhere certainly have a lot on our plate as we try to balance our careers, education, providing for a family, recreation and social life, community and church service, as well as spending time with our wives and children. However, the items listed above are not suggestions – they are absolute necessities for our own personal happiness, well-being, and eventual success – as well as the happiness, well-being, and success of our families!

Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to have two incredible parents – a father and mother who loved me, cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and truly epitomized what successful parenthood is all about. While they were not perfect (although close), they did certain things that I feel every parent would benefit from knowing, and especially emulating. Below are listed several things they did on a consistent basis that have made all the difference in mine and my siblings lives; as well as now the lives of my own children as I seek to implement what they taught and exemplified. (Only 15 are listed in this article; however, to view the other 15, please see part 2 in the Parenthood article series):

1) Power of Example: First and foremost, they lived what they taught! My siblings and I learned how to work hard, serve others, be disciplined, show respect, and act kindly not so much because it was expected of us, but because it was emulated in everything my parents did and were.

2) They Made Mistakes … and Changed: There never has been a perfect pair of parents, and everyone certainly makes mistakes. However, I noticed growing up that when my parents did make mistakes, they learned from them, apologized, and then most importantly – changed.

3) Children Always Came First: There was absolutely no question in my mind growing up that my siblings and I were the highest priority to my parents. I can not recall ever feeling that their careers, hobbies, friends, or entertainment was more important than family, or making time for and raising their children. We spent a lot of time as a family, and just as significantly, my parents made regular time to just have one-on-one time with each child.

4) Limited Electronic Drugs: Although as a child I may not have thanked my parents, I certainly thank them now for being extremely proactive in monitoring the shows, entertainment, and time I spent watching TV, movies, video games, or computer time. In fact, often was the case that we as a family would just spend the night together playing games rather than letting the TV or computer entertain or babysit us kids.

5) My Mother Stayed Home: I was extremely fortunate to have a mother who chose and was able to stay at home and be a mom. I recognize, however, that many other families do not have this great privilege, for a variety of reasons (often uncontrollable life circumstances that force a mother to have to work). Now, my siblings and I certainly did not have all the latest toys, clothes, cars, or vacations growing up – but we each would collectively agree that having a mother in the home to be a mom was perhaps the greatest difference, influence, and blessing in our lives.

6) We Occasionally Went Without: As mentioned in the point above, my siblings and I often went without. We of course had everything we ‘needed,’ but we certainly were not given everything we ‘wanted.’ This was in part because of our financial situation. And yet, even when my father got into a position to be able to buy us children what we ‘wanted,’ thankfully, he still chose to occasionally allow us to go without. He did this of course not to deprive us, but to teach us to appreciate what we had, work for what we ‘wanted,’ and develop attributes such as sacrifice, patience, sharing, and unselfishness. Simply put – we were not spoiled in any sense of the word!

7) We Had to Work: Every day my siblings and I had a chore – anything from making our bed, to sweeping the floor, vacuuming, taking the garbage out, to doing dishes. Also, I remember every Saturday morning, our entire family would go out into the yard to do yard work together. Let’s be honest – what kid enjoys doing this stuff? But, as with everything, my siblings and I look back with gratitude that my parents taught us the importance of work.

Fun Family Time … Often: The last two points would make it seem that my siblings and I were deprived children who were worked to death. Quite the contrary! We had a ton of fun together as a family growing up. My childhood is filled with wonderful memories of countless family nights of just playing games, drives up the canyon together, BBQ’s in the back yard, yearly vacations, weekend outings, camp-outs on the trampoline outside, and very frequent family nights. As already mentioned, my parents made their children their top priority, and thankfully rather than having the TV be our only entertainment (and babysitter), we often just spent the nights together playing games, laughing, talking, and having fun.

9) My Father Loved My Mother: Never once do I remember my father yelling at my mother. There was always sincere and appropriate affection shown to her verbally, emotionally, and physically – and thankfully, it was often in front of us kids so we knew our dad loved and was committed to our mother. I specifically remember having this enforced to me every meal when my dad would give my mom a kiss after we had a prayer over the meal – a small thing that had a huge impact.

10) They Loved Me Enough to Discipline Me: My parents disciplined me growing up, and I am forever grateful for that. Did I at times resent it growing up? Of course! Did my parents make mistakes in their disciplining efforts? Of course; but as already mentioned, they learned from that and changed. And, did I envy many of my friends who had, what I thought at the time, ‘freedom’ because their parents did not discipline them like mine? Yes. But, these friends’ choices during their supposed years of ‘freedom’ led to consequences that resulted in the exact opposite of what ‘freedom’ truly is. Perhaps most importantly, I never doubted that whenever my parents disciplined me that it was out of love and a desire to help, teach, or protect – and never simply out of anger.

11) Mom & Dad Were Equal: Of course my parents had different roles and responsibilities within our family and around the house, as every mother and father does. However, one thing was always certain – they were equal partners. In no way was my father domineering, condescending, or treated as the superior in any way. He was the man of the house and certainly fulfilled his role; but right by his side (not behind him) was my mother who was thought of, spoken to, involved in, and treated like an equal.

12) Cleanliness Was Demanded: My siblings and I still tease our mother for engraining into our minds an attribute we got so frustrated with growing up, but are ever so grateful for now. She demanded cleanliness … in every aspect of our lives! We always had to have a clean room, house, yard, car, appearance, and most importantly – thoughts!

13) Certain Attributes Were Taught, Exemplified, and Expected: Thankfully my parents did not just ‘talk the talk’ – they literally lived what they taught and expected. A few of the many attributes my parents both taught and helped us develop were: integrity, honesty, unselfishness, hard work, modesty and virtue, tolerance, respect, discipline, patience, persistence, assertiveness, independence, responsibility, prayerfulness, obedience, friendliness and kindness.

14) Throwing Fits Was Never Allowed: This may seem like a small thing, but I remember us siblings were never allowed to throw fits (and thus, I am sure I was not allowed either). Certainly, I am sure my parents were trying to teach us to understand that we can’t always get what we want, to learn to share, to be patient, to occasionally ‘go without,’ and to develop very early in life a healthy respect for adults and the ability to listen, respect, and obey.

(To view the remaining 15 principles, please view part 2 in the Parenthood article series).

Anyone addicted to pornography will certainly attest and declare that the fruits of this selfish, temporary self-gratifying evil, is anything but ‘freedom.’ Pornography is an industry that makes a few wealthy at the expense of destroying lives, tearing apart marriages and families, and essentially weakening the very foundation of our society.

And yet, one would naturally ask – ‘how can I avoid this evil when the majority of advertisements, websites, commercials, images, videos, TV shows, to the very clothes others wear (or do not wear), expose me to and entice me towards this very evil?’

Let me suggest 7 things each of us as individuals and families MUST do TODAY … and EVERY DAY:

1) The Dangers of Being Alone: Addictions to pornography usually start when an individual is alone, ‘surfing the web,’ watching a movie, viewing an advertisement, watching TV, etc. Thoughts then quickly spiral downward and result in regrettable actions. Curiosity, combined with idle minds and natural hormones often shamefully replace integrity and self-discipline. Guilt and shame accompany first glances, slowly followed by justification and eventual addiction. Thus, do everything possible to NOT be alone! And if / when alone, decide now to ‘look away,’ to never compromise integrity, and to put other important relationships (spouse, children, etc) above your own temporary self-gratification (gratification which ironically results in misery).

2) ‘Turn Away Immediately’: This is not just a nice catchy slogan, but it must become a habit! Regardless of how curious you are, how weak you feel, how alone you are, how shocking the image, and how enticed and excited you feel – ‘TURN AWAY IMMEDIATELY!’ Change the channel, leave the website, X out of that advertisement, turn your eyes away … and then the most challenging part – control and discipline your thoughts. Better yet, just turn off the TV, step away from the internet – and just have fun playing family games together. Do something different than allowing the entertainment of the world to influence you.

3) Discipline Your Thoughts: If an individual wants to avoid becoming addicted to pornography (or for anyone who already is addicted) – learn now to control your mind and develop the ability and habit to discipline your thoughts. Our thoughts lead to actions, our actions result in habits, and it is our continual habits (good or bad) that eventually form our character. When an image, commercial, song, show, or advertisement cause a thought to be placed in your mind that should not be there – ‘turn away,’ and immediately fill your mind with something else (read a book, sing a song, memorize a quote, go running, etc). It is extremely difficult to do this, and certainly requires daily action, but the ability to control our minds is the secret to success in anything in life!

4) You Must Establish Rules – and Stick to Them: No visiting certain websites! No going on the internet after a certain hour! No watching certain TV shows or movies! Etc. Whether they are personal or family rules – write them down, look at them often, and commit to them verbally and mentally – and stick to them.

5) You Have to DECIDE Before The Temptation or Image Ever Appears – That You Will NOT Look or Get Involved: I literally want you to DECIDE RIGHT NOW that you will NOT look! That you will ALWAYS ‘Turn Away.’ That you will NOT visit that website, not click on that advertisement, not watch that show, not rent that movie, not enter that chat room, etc. Decide NOW! Commit to that decision, as hard as it may be. In the moment of curiosity, temptation, and idleness, or when you have a rough day, are alone, or see a shocking image and say ‘I wonder’ – or even when you feel peer pressure from others – you will NOT give in because you have previously decided and are committed to that decision.

6) The Importance of Placing the Computer / TV in High-Traffic Places: Where are your computer(s) and TV’s? Are they in locations that allow one to seclude themselves and participate in chat rooms, view images, or watch programs without anyone else seeing/knowing? Now, I understand and respect the fact that we each need our privacy; however, privacy is fine so long as it is not used as a justification for actions that would destroy us personally, and our families.

7) If You are a Parent – Be Involved in Your Kids Lives, and Lead By Example: Do you know what your kids are doing, what they are viewing, or who they are chatting with online? Do your even realize that teenagers have an online language … specific lingo to use when parents are in the room? Love your child enough to both trust them, as well as talk to them and be involved. Rules are not a form of restriction – they are a necessity for protection, and an evidence of care and love. However, more importantly, do not expect or enforce anything on your children that you are not willing to do yourself. For your spouse and family’s sake – be an example in word and action and NEVER allow pornography to enter your home, for it will destroy yours and your family’s lives.

Never forget, however, that this is much more than not looking at pornography – this is about maintaining integrity, developing self-discipline, preserving our marriage or relationships, and doing what is best for our family. This consequence of this addictive plague affects everyone! When the temptation to look or participate confronts us, as it inevitably and constantly does, we must look away immediately! For yours and your family’s sake – do not look and do not get involved with this modern slavery that will only result in the destruction of your personal life, marriage, and family.

And while it is a sad reality that our current day media, literature, advertisements, education system, businesses, and entertainment industry certainly do not preach that same message, the ironic reality is that deep within the heart of man – throughout every age of human existence – people everywhere know that the principle described above is true! Not only is the family the most important institution to the development and progression and morality of our society, it is family relationships that are the most important to each of our individual lives.

And yet, how often do each of us fail to demonstrate our knowledge of this principle through our actions. We each can and must improve the way we speak to, act towards, and make time for the most important relationships in our lives – family! Below are listed only 40 of the hundreds of fun and meaningful activity ideas for families; however, more important than the actual activity, the goal is simply to make time for family – and often! Never forget that when all is said and done, our wealth acquired, career successes, talents developed, awards won, or recognition received – none of these successes can justify failing your family in the process. The great difficulty and reward of life is to resolve to make time for family, and participate in activities with them that build, strengthen, develop trust, create memories, cause laughter, and provide wholesome and memorable experiences that strengthen your family. Does it take effort? Of course! Is it worth it? Absolutely! May the list below be but a start to many ideas, traditions, and activities that will help your family:

1. Go on Daddy-Daughter or Daddy-Son Dates (also for Mom’s). Take each child out individually for ice cream, a walk, a movie, a game, a drive – just to spend time together, laugh, and talk!
2. Have a movie night as a family, go to a local play or performance, attend a sporting event, go out to eat together, etc.
3. Go to a local nursing home and read stories, visit with, sing and talk to, and just help the patients.
4. Make a meal or some goodies for neighbors or friends who are elderly, sick, need a friend, or could use some help.
5. On a random school night, simply take the kids and family down for ice cream together.
6. Prepare a family emergency plan: what to do in the event of a fire, burglary, power-outage, tornado/hurricane, or where the kids should go if nobody is home, etc.
7. Go camping, hiking, or fishing together.
8. Leave little notes around the house for kids (or for mom and dad) to say I love you, or thank you for _________!
9. Visit the local historical spots in your town/area.
10. Talk with each of your children often! Simply talk to them, listen to them, teach them, laugh with them, and help them. Talk about drugs, sex and chastity, school/education, peer pressure, friends, family, doing what is right, set goals, etc.
11. Visit the local library, check out and read books, and encourage reading and education (then go for ice cream or milkshakes after).
12. Go on a family picnic – at a park, by the river, up the canyon, in the backyard, or out in the country.
13. Have a family slumber party (inside or outside). But – parents must join in!
14. Plan a family financing / budgeting night. Learn about check books, credit cards, bank accounts, budgeting, credit and debt, how to save and invest, interest (good and bad), etc.
15. Visit your local museum, art exhibit, or zoo, etc.
16. Volunteer at the local homeless shelter or soup kitchen.
17. Go eat lunch with your child at school every once in a while; or better yet, check them out of school and take them out to eat (I think the child will prefer the later
18. Help with and volunteer at next years Special Olympics, or go to the local developmental service center and volunteer.
19. Go on a family walk, run, or bike ride together.
20. Have an etiquette night. Set the table for a formal dinner, have a few courses, learn how to use what utensil, where to put your napkin, how to ask for things politely, what to wear and how to sit, etc.
21. Take a night and learn about proper nutrition, eating proportions, exercise, and health practices.
22. Together, go: miniature golfing, go cart racing, paint-balling, horseback riding, canoeing, rock climbing, etc.
23. Buy a disposable camera for everyone and go and take pictures – learn about photography and perhaps go up the mountains, out into the country, in the city, etc. and just take pictures.
24. Have a barbecue in the backyard – invite neighbors, friends, and family over (have the kids invite their friends too).
25. Go to the local recreation center as a family and play basketball, racquetball, or tennis. Go swimming, running, walking, lift weights, or exercise together.
26. Watch past family videos, or get out the old family photo albums and look at them together.
27. As a family, go to a local road or park and do a clean-up project. Pick up trash around the park, pond, river, road, etc.
28. Go bird watching, plant finding, insect finding, animal watching, or nature watching (sunset), etc.
29. Go for a drive – get out of the city (or go to the city) and just go for a drive together.
30. Cook together – have everyone learn how to and help cook a meal.
31. Make a habit of hiding special notes inside of the bag of a family member when they have to go out of town, when they go to school, or have an athletic or musical event, etc. Leave encouraging notes under each other’s pillows on bad days.
32. Take a class with, learn, or teach your children how to: draw or paint, take pictures, sing or dance, learn a language, practice a sport, or learn a musical instrument.
33. Support and show up for each family member who is participating in athletic events, performances, recitals, award or recognitions, etc.
34. Have at least one meal together daily. Have a Q&A session during dinner’s every once in a while where kids can just feel comfortable to talk to and ask their parents any question or talk about anything on their mind. Just talk, listen, teach, love, and laugh.
35. Build a fort – get a cardboard box, some scissors, a marker, a few chairs and blankets – and build a fort.
36. Spend a day as a whole family cleaning the house together.
37. Set up a telescope and look for stars or planets.
38. Attend community events, church services, or local performances.
39. Play Games – invite friends over, or just play games as a family. Play board games, card games, or any other family or group games.
40. Be creative and make up or think of your own activities that you and your family would enjoy. More importantly, just make time, and spend time together as a family!

To the happiness and success of your family!

No, these traditions are not about large meals, big events, fancy decorations, or annual celebrations – these are the very traditions that help define who we are, determine our personal and family happiness, and even the eventual outcome of our children. As you will see below, there are 15 family traditions listed (the remaining 15 are contained in part 2 of the Family Traditions article series), and there certainly could be hundreds more listed. These 30 listed, however, are traditions that make a difference because they require effort, creativity, consistency, and most importantly – the ability to make time for the most important relationships in life – our family!

1. Daddy-Daughter / Daddy-Son Dates Once a Month: Spend individual time with each child, at least once a month (this applies to Mommy-Daughter or Mommy-Son dates as well). Go out to eat together, go for a drive, do something the child wants to do – but spend time with each other, talk, create memories, and have fun!
2. Dad’s Saturday Breakfast: Let mom take the morning off – Dad and the kids make Mom breakfast on Saturday’s!
3. Two Family Night’s Each Month: Establish every other Friday (or Sunday, Wednesday, etc. – whenever) as ‘Family Day.’ No business, sports, TV, friends, etc. that night. Just family! Pull out the games and play games together as a family. Watch a movie together. Go out to eat. Just have fun and be together! Most importantly, be consistent in doing it every month!
4. ‘Friends Night’: Be involved in your kid’s lives, create an ‘open home’ environment, and help your children feel comfortable inviting friends over into your home. Once a month, have a ‘friends night’ where your kids can invite over any friends – and just allow them to have fun, play games, and just enjoy being together!
5. ‘Saturday Work Hour’: Each Saturday morning, set aside one hour where the whole family helps with work around the house. From cleaning rooms and the house, to vacuuming, to mowing the lawn and yard work – just establish the tradition that for one hour every Saturday – it is ‘family work time.’
6. ‘Annual Days’: Be creative and establish certain days each year to do the same thing. Examples: go bowling, fishing, camping, shopping, skiing, hiking, etc. Attend a baseball game, a performance, go for a drive, visit someone, call someone, do a service project, etc. Perhaps just have an annual ‘Family Day,’ or ‘Kids Day,’ or ‘Sports Day,’ or ‘Amusement Park Day,’ etc. Choose one or many – or think of your own – but do this same activity every year on a certain day!
7. ‘Special Plate’: Designate a plate that will only be used for ‘special’ occasions (simply buy or make your own). Pull it out for: good report cards, awards at school, winning a game, a good performance, graduation, promotions, pay raises, birthday’s, anniversary’s, etc.
8. ‘Growth Wall’: Use a wall in the house as the ‘growth chart.’ As children grow, mark their growing heights as the years pass.
9. Annual Family Vacation: Just put it in the calendar that every year the family will go on a family vacation together! It of course can be at different times, and to different places – but do it every year.
10. Monthly Reach Out to Family Day: Set aside a few minutes once a month to simply stay in touch with family. Pick up the phone and make calls, send some emails, write a few letters – do something. Call parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, niece/nephew, friends, etc.
11. Daily Chores: Make it a tradition (although the kids may not see this as that ‘fun’ of a tradition) – to have each child have a daily chore. It could be: make bed, clean room, vacuum, straighten bathroom, set table, etc. Establish a tradition of work and helping the family.
12. Weekly Family Planning: Get together as a family each week and go over schedule, calendar, things coming up, etc. More importantly, talk about and discuss any issues needing to be addressed, use it has time to teach, communicate and stay connected, and just be together.
13. ‘Learn to Cook’: Perhaps each Sunday, have each child take a turn helping cook the Sunday dinner. Use this time not only to help the child learn how to cook – but just have one on one time with just you and your child.
14. Annual Ancestry and Family History Day: Perhaps on Memorial day, go and visit the graves of loved ones who have passed on. Go and visit living grandparents. Visit, talk to, learn from, and record history of these people.
15. ‘Stay Up Late Friday Nights’: Each Friday night – the kids get to stay up (and then sleep in on Sat. morning). Just stay up as a family and play games together, tell stories, watch a movie, etc.

(To view the remaining 15 family tradition ideas, please see part 2 in the Family Traditions article series).

But I have often wondered what is more unfortunate – the awful circumstance of the sad and desperate beggar, whose situation was brought on by poor choices or unavoidable life circumstances; or is it actually found in the judgmental, scared, or selfish throngs of people who carelessly pass by these beggars – who also are human beings?

The thoughts, intentions, or excuses that go through our minds during those sad, sometimes scary, and usually appalling moments when we are confronted by such a beggar often reveals much about our own character. Do we find ourselves using some of these excuses to justify our actions (or inactions): they brought this upon themselves, they’ll use my money for alcohol or drugs, why don’t they just get a job, someone else will help them, I don’t have any money on me, etc. Perhaps we feel scared, threatened, or have little children with us that we want to protect – and understandably so. Or, perhaps our heart aches for them, we empathize, we wish we could help but are not in a position ourselves to help, or we literally don’t have any money on us but would otherwise help them, etc.

Regardless of how we act or think in these situations, the reality is that we each could probably do a little more to help those who have a lot less. Thus, ask yourself: should I help the beggar? My hope is that your answer will be a resounding YES! Allow me to share with you 7 reasons why I feel that way, and perhaps even to give a few suggestions on how we can help those in need:

1) Decide Now: Make the decision right now that whenever you encounter such a situation, you will help. Help can be as simple as: buying a meal, giving a few dollars, or even simply talking to them. But decide now to do it!

2) Carry a Few Dollars with You Always: You may ‘decide now’ – but if you are not prepared or don’t have any money on you at that moment, it makes it kind of difficult to help. Thus, always keep a few dollars in a certain location in your wallet/purse to only use for these situations.

3) Buy Food Rather Than Give Money: Many people want and are willing to help, but don’t like just handing over money, which will then be used to purchase alcohol or drugs. Completely understandable. Thus, rather than choosing not to give, buy them a meal or take them to the thrift store and buy them a decent outfit to help with interviews. You know the saying … don’t just feed the man a fish, teach the man how to fish.

4) Talk to Them: Who ever said that ‘helping’ required monetary gifts? Remember that these are human beings too, and perhaps a simple friendly conversation to show you care and won’t judge them will be far more helpful, inspirational, and empowering than any amount of money. Of course be careful and use judgment doing so, but treat them with care and respect and you can be certain that the majority will show the same to you.

5) Don’t Judge – Just Help: Yes, the reality is that the majority of people in this unfortunate situation made poor choices which have resulted in their terrible circumstance. But how do you know that? And regardless of whether this is the case or not, can you not still help them? I, who has had an incredibly fortunate life, have been the benefactor of countless acts of kindness in my life, despite the fact that I probably have not been deserving of much of the goodness shown towards me.

6) Are You Not a Beggar: Far too often people wrongfully assume that the definition of a real ‘beggar’ is one who asks for food or money, and is often without nice clothing or a home, etc. To those who are religious or believers, how often have you fallen to your knees and ‘begged’ a loving Father for forgiveness or for an answer to a prayer? In this scenario we appreciate that a loving Father is no respecter of persons, hears and answers prayers, and grants us our desires despite our unworthiness. Should this not be a lesson for us on how we think of and treat these different kinds of ‘beggars’?

7) Express Gratitude: If not for anything else, give and help these people simply as a way to demonstrate how grateful you are for all that you have been fortunate enough to experience (or not experience), and for everything that has been given to you. Those who are fortunate should and must feel a desire and obligation to help those less fortunate.

Lastly, and most importantly, help the beggar to help yourself. It is not the money, the meal, the time, or the conversation that really matters – what matters most when all is said and done is developing character and charity within ourselves. Because we all are beggars in one way or another, helping a different kind of beggar is about developing the ability to think of and help others, learn not to judge, give of our abundance, and become completely unselfish. Therein lies the true test of life, the determinant that reveals true character, and the source of real joy.

Understandably, no person or marriage is perfect, and some marriages fail and must end for obvious and necessary reasons; however, the overwhelming majority of marriages (and families for that matter) could be saved if both partners put forth more effort to implement these few foundational principles that are at the heart of any happy and successful marriage:

1) Absolutely No Pornography: This unfortunately must be at the top of my list because it is unquestionably the leading contributor to unhappy and unsuccessful marriages in our current day. While women can (and increasingly are) victims as well, the majority of perpetrators are of course men. Commit now to never look or get involved. Realize that each of us are daily tempted (commercials, TV shows, advertisements, websites, etc) – so develop the habit today to just ‘turn away immediately.’ If already addicted, get help now! Looking at this filth will lead to impure thoughts, which lead to actions, which lead to habits, which result in marriages failing and families being torn apart.

2) Date Nights: Men, when was the last time you took your wife out on a date? Do you make time and actually schedule in regular date nights? And perhaps more importantly, while on a date, do you participate in entertainment that contributes to building and strengthening your relationship, or entertainment that promotes infidelity, selfishness, and lust? Make time for each other – just be together, talk, listen, laugh, express affection and appreciation, and do it consistently.

3) Enjoy & Make the Most of Today: We need to stop waiting for future events to come and heal our present day problems; for when those events come, they become the present problems, and we go on waiting for future remedies. Are you waiting for that next pay raise, promotion, or bigger house to actually be happy? Never fall victim to the false securities of materialism. My promise to you is that none of those things will lead to a happy and successful marriage. Enjoy now, and make time now for what and who matter most!

4) Financial Trust, Openness, and Honesty: We each have heard many times that finances are one of the leading causes of divorce today. While that is true, the reality is that the finances are not the problem – it is selfishness, integrity, and lack of communication that is the problem. Every couple needs to budget, be extremely open with and communicate about finances, and be honest with each other. More importantly however, couples need to live within their means and rid from their minds the cultural pressure of ‘keeping up with the Jones.’ Women would do well to decipher between ‘wants’ and ‘needs,’ and focus less on how much her man makes and more on how well he manages that money. Men would do well to be equal and open with their partner about their finances, and live and teach his family more about saving and how it is actually good to occasionally go without.

5) Men – You Can Do More: Every man reading this should ask themselves these questions: when was the last time I helped with the dishes, the laundry, or the house cleaning? Are changing diapers, giving the kids a bath, and cooking meals a woman’s responsibility? And – is my responsibility around the house limited to only yard work? Let me be clear in suggesting to (and telling) men that if they want a happy and successful marriage, they had better help more with the dishes, house cleaning, changing diapers, reading stories at bedtime, and cooking a meal for their wife – all this in addition to the yard work responsibilities.

6) We are Different: It is a common story to hear how happy and compatible a couple was during courtship, and yet not too long after the wedding it seems that there were characteristics, habits, and weaknesses that somehow were not revealed during the time they were dating. For every couple that has ever been married – we collectively say: ‘Welcome to Marriage.’ The greatest challenge in any marriage is not in finding the right person, but in becoming the right person. We each need to spend less time trying to change our partner into who we want or expect them to be and more time appreciating their differences and strengths, helping them with their weaknesses, and realizing that the person looking at you in the mirror is probably just as much (if not more) guilty of possessing these challenging characteristic traits we all seem to have. Look for and dwell on the good … and remember it was Benjamin Franklin who said: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.”

7) Love is an Action: Love may start as a thought, an attraction, kind words, and romantic feelings – but true love and lasting love requires effort, patience, understanding, unselfishness, and daily action. In fact, there are few people that can justifiably say that they ‘fell out of love’ because the majority of people who ‘fall out of love’ actually failed to continue to put forth effort, and focused more on their own needs rather than the best interest of their spouse and children. Marriage requires us to fall in love many times – with the same person! And never forget the wisdom expressed in this quote: “newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reason that families work.”

Hold Your Tongue – Kindness in Word: Speak kind words. Compliment more. Uplift always. Thank daily. And learn to hold your tongue. There should never be any verbal abuse in any marriage (or emotional and physical abuse as well, of course). Men – you must treat, think of, and speak to your partner as an equal. And, if either one of you ever become frustrated, irritated, or angry – learn to allow TIME to be a friend by ‘cooling off’ and reacting maturely, kindly, and appropriately after you have regained composure and can act/speak kindly.

9) Commitment in Thoughts & Action: It is not enough to be committed and true to your spouse in word and deed only. Much more difficult and important it is to be committed and true in thought! Impure thoughts lead to impure actions, which all too often unfortunately result in fornication and yet another marriage and family being torn apart. Keep your thoughts clean and true to your spouse. Ensure all your conversations and actions foster love and trust for the one you love and need to be committed to. In addition, both partners need also to do their part to stay attractive to each other (trying to impress and look good for your partner shouldn’t stop after you say “I Do”). Lastly, don’t ever let those who are ‘younger’ or ‘more beautiful’ distract you from the true beauty of your spouse that increases with age, effort, and time. The reward for commitment is not self-denial, but true happiness. Contrastingly, covetousness results in guilt, misery, mental anguish, family destruction, marital unhappiness, and often financial ruin.

10) You Must Have God in Your Relationship: I certainly recognize and respect the fact that not everyone reading this article shares the same beliefs that I do; however, that does not discount the fact that having God in my own marriage has without question been the most important foundational reason why my relationship with my wife has been happy and successful thus far.

Successful and happy marriages require sacrifice, effort, and patience. Love is an action, not simply a feeling! And yet, despite the work and change required, marriage can also produce the greatest joy, satisfaction, and accomplishment life has to offer. As evidenced in the 10 tips above, there is no hidden secret or formula – it simply requires both partners to make time for each other, take action, change, and become unselfish and faithful in thought and action. Is it difficult? Of course! Is it worth it? Absolutely!

Keeping thoughts clean, turning away from temptation, or altogether avoiding pornography is becoming increasingly more difficult considering the fact that – the vast majority of movies, TV shows, songs, magazines, advertisements, and websites are immoral, immodest, sexual, and pornographic in nature. We are daily bombarded … and thus daily fighting a battle. It is a battle to keep our thoughts, actions, habits, and character clean and pure and chaste.

Thankfully, however, despite this fact – it is possible to conquer in this daily battle. But how? Let me suggest 10 tips that are simple in theory, and yet extremely difficult in practicality; but if applied, will literally help anyone to obtain the peace, true freedom, confidence, happiness, purity, and success that living a chaste life will inevitably bring.

1) Daily Effort: It is of utmost importance to remember that although continuous actions for good result in habits that are good, temptation and pornography will still abound … often daily. Thus, the necessity of controlling our thoughts and developing self control must be a daily effort.

2) Remove Yourself From Temptation: Unfortunately, the reality is that there is absolutely no way for us to completely remove ourselves from situations and mediums that will tempt us in regards to our chastity. Pornographic images always seem to find us, regardless of where we are and what we are doing. However, with that said, we also can be a little more proactive to limit that temptation. Don’t visit that website, watch something else on TV, don’t go see that movie, don’t pick up the magazine, don’t enter the pop-up or advertisement, turn the channel during that commercial, etc. It’s hard, it takes discipline, and everyone else may seem to be doing it … but you must not! For your sake and your family’s … you must not!

3) Control Your Thoughts: Do you actually realize the power of your thoughts. Thoughts literally convert into actions. Thus, whatever it is that we entertain on the stage of our own minds, will in time become our very actions, habits, and character. Do you truly understand and believe that you literally can (and must) have complete control over your thoughts? You may not have asked or chosen to view the image, but you certainly have the choice as to whether or not to keep that image playing on the screen of your mind.

4) Remember the Consequences: Realize now that the fruits of pornography are: momentary gratification and lustful pleasure followed by immediate shame, guilt, sorrow, fear, and embarrassment. Eventually addictions form, curiosity heightens, people become past feeling, and the result – marriages end, families are torn apart, and crimes are committed only to satisfy a temporary gratification and almost impossibly avoidable addiction. (And let’s not be ignorant of the possible consequences and responsibilities that also could result … such as diseases, caring for a child or significant other, or paying child support, etc.).

5) Understand What ‘True Love’ Is: The world’s portrayal of ‘true love’ is often seen and interpreted two ways. First, ‘true love’ is ‘happily-ever-after.’ For anyone who has been married and experienced true love, they will be the first to tell you that ‘true love’ requires work, effort, change, sacrifice, compassion, and unselfishness … not just riding off into the sunset with prince charming to live in unending bliss. Secondly, ‘true love’ is most often unfortunately portrayed as ‘true lust.’ Love certainly is physical, combines attraction with affection, and is wonderful and beautiful. But ‘true love’ is far more than the physical and sexual joy such marital relationships can bring. ‘True love’ is the epitome of unselfishness. It is caring, it is thoughtfulness, it is service, it is work, it can even be trying, difficult, and hard at times. But ‘true love’ is committed, makes it work, never gives up, focuses on the positive, endures through challenges and weaknesses, and thinks of the concerns and needs of their spouse above their own.

6) Discipline the Natural Sexual Tendencies & Passions: We live in a society that demands that we discipline our physical bodies, our minds and intellects, and our social capabilities. The person who can not eat properly, keep their bodies fit, get an education, and socially interact are viewed and treated literally as either mis-fits, inferior, or lower class. Even if one wants (or does) eat unhealthily, is lazy, drops out of school, etc. – they know that they will be either ridiculed or limited by our society. On the other hand, however, our society (generally) makes no effort – in fact, quite the opposite – to require us to discipline our sexual passions and tendencies. Why is disciplining our sexual passions any different than our eating habits, intellect, or social abilities? It isn’t, and should not be! Just as we would go on a diet, work hard to exercise, or strive to obtain an education – we too should strive just as hard to discipline ourselves sexually and control and keep in balance a tendency just as (if not much more) difficult to manage as our eating, exercising, educational or social habits.

7) Idle Minds & Actions are the Seedbed for Disaster: The moment you find yourself idle either mentally or physically, you must know that this should be the first warning sign of possible danger ahead. ‘Surfing the web’ alone, or with nothing else to do; watching a movie that perhaps should not be viewed; or flipping through a magazine just out of ‘curiosity’ is the first idle step to inevitable temptation. Decide now to have integrity when alone, and make a rule to never ‘surf the web’ when you feel alone, down, frustrated, or with nothing else to do.

Deciding in the Moment of Temptation is Too Late: Decide right now that you will NOT enter that website, rent that movie, or watch that TV show. Decide now what your limits are, and never cross them. Write your decision down on paper, put it in a place seen often and review it daily, and completely commit to the decision made in the moment of clarity of mind (not when you must decide in that fleeting hour of lust, selfishness, loneliness, temporary gratification, and temptation).

9) Tips for Parents: The most important tip for parents of teens or children – you must be the example. Do not expect anything of your child unless you are living it yourself. Next, set family rules (i.e. computer times, what can/can’t be watched, place the computer in high traffic places, talk about online safety, etc). And lastly, but certainly most importantly, parents must be involved in their children’s lives (in regards to friends, sexual activity, peer pressure, etc). Start early to develop trust with children so they will come to you with questions and concerns. Make time regularly to just ‘talk.’ Don’t be ignorant, don’t expect the school system or friends to ‘teach them’ – be a real parent, proactive, and be involved with and talk to your children.

10) Absolutely No Excuses: Always remember that the media, individuals, and companies everywhere have one goal – to make money. Thus, they entice us to buy their product by luring us in with sexually exciting, pornographic, and addicting images and messages. Regardless of this fact, there is never an excuses for looking at, falling for, and becoming involved in this filth. It does not matter if you are just ‘curious’ – don’t look, don’t go into that advertisement, don’t watch that show or visit that website. And realize that the moment you hear yourself saying or thinking these things that you are headed for trouble, addictions, misery, and possible punishment: it won’t hurt anyone, it’s my choice, everyone is doing it, I am just curious, I need to know so I am not ignorant, my friends want/force me to, etc. No! Be proactive. Be disciplined. Don’t give excuses. Just turn away and don’t get involved.

Never forget, however, that this is much more than not looking at pornography – this is about maintaining integrity, developing self-discipline, preserving our marriage or relationships, and especially ensuring that our families do not fall apart. When the temptation to look confronts us, as it constantly does, we must look away immediately! Doing so will allow us to avoid the consequences that come from participating in this selfish and evil act: a lack of confidence, guilt and shame, mental and spiritual abilities weakened, addictions formed, relationships ruined, and possibly our very families torn apart.

And perhaps therein lies the great secret as to why pornography is so destructive – those who participate and look at this filth wrongfully assume that doing such only affects them, and is only known by them. Wrong! The effects of this addiction change our very mentality and perspective, develop selfishness and lust within us, weaken foundations of trust, and will certainly – in time – destroy the very most important relationships in our lives. We must not look and get involved. For ours and our family’s sake – we must not look!

And yet our culture and society certainly do not proclaim that same message. From the media to our educational system, from our co-workers to our neighbors, and even from our peers to our own family members, the unfortunate message that most often gets communicated is that our inner character is secondary (if even considered) to the tangible accomplishments and material possessions we obtain when determining our success in life.

However, we should never assume that because developing the inner character is far more important when all is said and done, that somehow that encourages or justifies us in not pursuing these other – good – worldly successes. Part of the definition of ‘real success’ is becoming great, achieving things, and accomplishing success in many areas of life. We must live up to our potential mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, financially, intellectually, and especially spiritually – all areas of our life are important.

And yet, while each of the mentioned areas of life are important, they are not equally important. All of the wealth, fame, power, credentials, and awards we obtain in life will certainly never be equal to or compensate for the success we achieve with the character of our souls and within the walls of our own home. In fact, if we have to fail in some of these other pursuits to achieve the most important successes, we thankfully will not be like most people on their death beds who unfortunately utter the sad words of: “I wish I had spent more time with my family.” Thus, dealing with the disappointment of certain failures will be far easier than dealing with the disappointment that accompanies some successes because they were not the right successes.

Considering the truth of this definition of ‘real’ success, perhaps the most important thing to realize and seek to avoid is that we often actually pursue this ‘real’ success, but justify putting it off temporarily in order to achieve the other successes which supposedly will create the time, money, and ability to accomplish these ‘real’ successes. To illustrate this point, how many of us have fallen victim to the myth and misconception that the next promotion, pay raise, current challenge overcome, or future event will be the answer to our problem and lead us to this success? How often do we wait for future events to come and heal our present problems – and when they do come, those events actually become the present problems and we go on waiting for future remedies?

Be wise enough to understand now that the next promotion and pay raise will never solve the problem, nor will it lead to ‘real’ success. The definition of ‘promotion’ is: more responsibility, work, and time at the office. The definition of a ‘pay raise’ is: as income increases, so do expenses. Also, once your current challenge is overcome, inevitably life has a way of bringing another one around the next bend. Never fall victim to the mentality that pursuing and achieving these other successes while neglecting the very things that determine ‘real’ success will eventuate as you planned (even if you initially intend to put off the ‘real’ successes just temporarily).

Thus, live and prioritize now! Pursue these other wonderful life successes, but never at the cost of the ‘real’ successes. And most importantly, despite what our culture engrains into our minds, always remember the definition of what ‘real’ success is – it is not determined by the institutions attended, education obtained, career accomplishments, promotions or pay raises, titles held or awards won, credentials or certificates, or the wealth you acquire. The ‘real’ success in life is solely determined by who you become, the character and attributes you develop, the people you help, and whether or not at the end of the day you were true to the most important priorities in life – yes – God & Family!

Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to have two incredible parents – a father and mother who loved me, cared for me, taught me, disciplined me, and truly epitomized what successful parenthood is all about. While they were not perfect (although close), they did certain things that I feel every parent would benefit from knowing, and especially emulating. Below are listed several things they did on a consistent basis that have made all the difference in mine and my siblings lives; as well as now the lives of my own children as I seek to implement what they taught and exemplified. (Only 15 are listed in this article; however, to view the first 15, please see part 1 in the Parenthood article series):

1) Be a Friend To Everyone: My parents went to great efforts to teach us kids to love, respect, be educated about and tolerant towards, and kind to everyone. I distinctly remember them teaching me in high school to be friends with those that don’t have friends and those I normally would not be friends with. In my ignorance, I thought ‘clicks’ would somehow disappear after high school; unfortunately for us all, they still exist. Thankfully, my parents helped us kids learn early on how to be friends with, reach out to, and love and appreciate everyone regardless of our differences.

2) We Ate Together as a Family … Daily: Eating dinner together as a family each night was not so much expected of us as it was a daily tradition we all looked forward to. Dinner time was a chance to be together as a family – to talk, laugh, teach, cry, ask questions, express concerns, have family counsels or planning time, and to love.

3) Fidelity & Commitment Were Foundational: Perhaps one of the greatest reasons that marriages and families fail or fall apart is due to the fact that parents become selfish, allow the immoral influences of the media to shape their decisions, and eventually disregard virtue, responsibilities, and commitments. Thankfully, I was raised in a home where I knew and saw and never questioned my parent’s commitment to each other. In thought, word, and action – they were completely true to each other. Does that mean they never faced trials, frustrations, challenges, or temptations? Of course not! What it means is they remained true to the commitments of marriage and the responsibilities of parenthood – despite what life challenged or tempted them with. And for that, my siblings and I will forever be grateful that our parents were true to each other, and to us as a family.

4) My Mother Read to Us Kids … Every Night: I honestly don’t remember too many books or stories, nor do I really remember learning anything significant (although I am sure I did) – what I do remember was being with and feeling loved by my mother on a daily basis.

5) We Were Involved & Balanced: Our parents went to great lengths to ensure that us kids were well-rounded, balanced, cultured, and involved. Each of us learned instruments, were involved in sports, were required to get good grades in school, participated in scouting, volunteered in community and church service, and got involved in extracurricular activities. Now, don’t think for a moment that I enjoyed practicing the piano every day, doing my homework before playing with friends, or always having to do the service projects for scouting or with church groups. (In fact, I am sure my mom hated listening to my piano practicing as much as I hated doing it). But like anything in life, we look back and express gratitude that our parents loved us enough to do the little things to teach us, ensure we were not culturally or racially ignorant, and ensure we were well-rounded and involved individuals.

6) There Was Daily Attention & Affection: I remember with fondness my mother simply playing with us kids. Rather than using the TV to babysit us, she would simply play with us, read to us, or just talk with us. She was there every day when we arrived home from school to hug us and ask how our day went. At night, and every night, our parents prayed with and for us – and sent us off to bed with a hug and a kiss. These are small things that made all the difference, because my siblings and I always felt loved, wanted, and appreciated.

7) My Parents Didn’t Live Their Dreams Through Us Kids: It is unfortunate how often I have seen a father, for example, live their boyhood dreams through their son. Failing to accomplish a dream is not shameful if you tried, and it certainly is no justification to demand and do everything to ensure a child accomplishes what you did not. How selfish and damaging to every child’s unique individual potential and desires is this all too common scenario. I personally am grateful that my parents did not live their dreams through me, and allowed me to pursue and excel at things that I found interesting, fun, and exciting.

Eat Everything On Your Plate: First of all, let me tell you how much I hated beets, yams, squash, and granola … but believe me when I say that I ate them (had to) every time they were served to me. My parents didn’t do this to torture me (although I felt otherwise as a child), but they obviously did it to teach me an important lesson – to not be picky. I think my parents knew that if I got my way early in life with simple things like not eating what was served to me – that most likely would translate into much larger and more worrisome things later in life.

9) My Parents Were Involved in My Social Life: What that means is that my parents cared and were concerned with what I was doing and who I was with. They talked to me often, creating an environment where I felt comfortable to come to them with questions, concerns, or when faced with peer pressure. Our home had an ‘open home’ policy where we were encouraged and felt comfortable inviting friends over. Thus, I not only felt my parents cared, but my parents knew my friends and could thus encourage or warn me against anything they saw or sensed. Was I always receptive to their counsel as a teenager? Of course not – what teenager is? But again, I am extremely grateful that they were involved and proactive enough that rules were set, discipline happened, and consequences were enforced. Likewise, love was shown, teaching happened, warnings were given, and praise and rewards always followed.

10) Proper Respect & Social Skills Were Taught: I remember my parents teaching me to look adults in the eye when I spoke with them, answer their questions, learn how to ask questions and hold a conversation, and to show adults proper respect.

11) ‘Mom & Dad – Can I Have Some Money’: Again, I understand and respect the fact that each parent does things differently – and each child, home, and situation is different. Thus, as with this and every principle mentioned in this article, I am not suggesting the way my parents did things was the right or only way – it was simply one way, and a way that was effective and worked. With that said, my parents never just handed over money to us kids (whether they could or not). Life doesn’t work that way, so neither did my parents. If we ‘wanted’ something, we had to earn it. If we ‘needed’ something, that was a different story. But, when us kids had ‘wants’ – we had to earn our money, we were never just handed money. Welcome to life and reality, right!

12) Education & Grades Were Extremely Important: Our parents set the example in getting good grades, as well as both of them getting higher education and advanced degrees. School, learning, and getting good grades was simply just part of our family culture, tradition, and expectation.

13) They Never Gave Up & Had Faith in Our Potential: As mentioned earlier, parenting is extremely difficult. It takes time, patience, and consistent effort. Regardless of the little money we had, the challenges life threw at us, the mis-behaving of us children, or even the troubling years of raising eight (yes, eight) teenagers … they never gave up on us. They always put forth effort to teach, nurture, love, discipline, and raise us. And perhaps just as significant, in the process they instilled within us that we each were someone special and had great potential within us. They inspired and encouraged us, had faith in us, and never quit on us – regardless of how hard it must have been for them at times.

14) ‘Don’t Prepare the Path for the Child, Prepare the Child for the Path’: My parents epitomized this great counsel!

15) Children Turn Out How You Talk To & About Them: I never remember my parents speaking unkindly to, complaining about, or talking to others in a negative way about their children. Did they at times get frustrated, upset, or disappointed? Of course – welcome to parenthood! But they always tried to build, compliment, and praise us kids. Comparatively, a close friend my wife and I know is always talking negatively to and about her children (even with her children right there in front of her). As can be expected, this mother is experiencing some major problems with the behavior of her children. Why? I believe it is because these children are simply becoming what they hear their mother saying to and about them.

Most Importantly – God Was First in Their Marriage, Our Home, & Our Family: Again, I understand and respect the fact that many reading this article may not necessarily have a belief in God. However, that does not negate the fact that this very principle was the foundational aspect of my parents successful marriage, the feeling in our home, and the reason my family has turned out the way it has. We put God first in all things, and as a result, everything else seemed to work out.

At the outset, it is absolutely important to note that the 14 essential principles described below are not designed to teach people how to accumulate wealth through the application of the principles described. The sole objective in revealing and explaining these principles if for one purpose – to help marriages and people everywhere experience the family happiness that results from the application of simple financial principles. Will applying these principles require effort and a change? Certainly! But does not everything good and worth while in life also require change and consistent effort?

Fortunately, with a little education, self-discipline, and effort, we truly can ensure that our ‘family finances’ result in ‘family happiness.’ May I suggest 14 ways on how to accomplish this:

1) Establish a budget and live within your means: First, do you even have a budget? If so, do you actually live by it? Do you actually record every expenditure, so that at the end of the month (when you sit down and go over finances … right) you know where every penny has gone? At the end of the month as you look over the finances, did you purchase something you did not need? Stick to the budget and live within your means!

2) Never accumulate consumer debt: Do you know the difference between Good Debt vs. Consumer Debt? Good debt is when you have to borrow money for some type of an investment: a house, your education, or to start a business, etc. Consumer debt is simply purchasing anything on credit outside of these three areas. If you don’t have the money to buy it – don’t buy it!

3) Credit cards are NOT bad: Now, above on point 2 I mentioned to never purchase anything on credit you don’t need or have money for. That does not mean you can’t purchase your groceries or other expenditures on a credit card (in fact, I encourage you to do that). Using credit cards, properly, is essential to your financial success. What is the proper way to use a credit card? It is simple: never use more than 25% of the credit limit, make your payments on time, and pay off the entire balance at the end of the month.

4) Understand the importance of building and protecting your credit: In my opinion, protecting your credit is just as important as protecting your social security number. Your financial future and success hinges upon that report/score. Do you want lower rates, better jobs, larger loans, better pay, etc.? Than you better protect your credit. I tell people all the time that investing in Identity Theft Protection is just as important as any Life Insurance program in our day and age. Now, do you know how to build and improve you score/report? It really is simple: never use more than 25% of the credit limit, make your payments on time, and pay off the entire balance at the end of the month (sound familiar)!

5) ‘Wealth’ is not the accumulation of money, it is the proper management of it: Our culture and society certainly has a skewed perception of what true wealth is. If, for example, an individual makes 1 million dollars a year, we assume they are wealthy. Well, if that person spent 1.2 million dollars that same year, that certainly is not wealth is it? In fact, the promotions and pay raises we all seek in our jobs will do little if we increase our spending as our income increases. Robert Kiyosaki refers to this habit as the ‘rat race.’ We need to learn how to properly budget, manage, save, and invest our money – not just spend it. Thus, true ‘Wealth’ is getting out of this ‘rat race,’ it is financial independence, it is passive income, and it is time freedom. Learn now how to manage your money before it manages you! Both men and women would do well to change their perception from ‘how much can my spouse make’ to ‘how well do they manage their finances.’

6) Self-Discipline and Self-Restraint are essential: Self-discipline in regards to money is far more important than any advanced course in accounting or financial management. Parents would do well to develop this ability, and they would be wise to teach this to their children. However, please don’t mis-understand – ‘self-discipline’ does not translate into self-denial or impoverishment. There is nothing wrong with buying ‘things’ that are fun, entertaining, or that the kids would enjoy. Where the line must be drawn is in the questions ‘can we afford this’ or ‘is this in our budget’ or ‘do we actually need this’ etc. And, ironically, self-discipline in financial matters will translate into self-discipline in other areas and aspects of life.

7) Saving Saves: That’s it – just save! Learn now to discipline yourselves and budget 10% of all earnings. Save for a rainy day, for retirement, for kid’s college funds, vacations, investments, etc. Avoid consumer debt, prepare for disasters or unemployment, and save 10% of all earnings – ALWAYS!

The importance of Insurance: Do you have proper and adequate home insurance, life insurance, health insurance, and car insurance? If not, you are potentially setting yourself up for financial disaster. And, in our day and age, do you have Identity Theft Protection? This type of insurance is just as, if not more important.

9) Wants vs. Needs: Wise is the wife, husband, parent, or child who can discipline themselves financially. The ability to sacrifice, go without, save, be patient, and determine wants compared to needs is an absolutely necessary attribute to develop; ironically, this attribute is not only necessary for finance-related issues, but every aspect of our lives!

10) Money is NOT Evil: Unfortunately, the majority of people have engrained into their minds that money is evil. Money is NOT evil; it is the pride people develop from possessing and accumulating money that causes others to perceive money as being ‘evil.’ A wealthy person’s snobbish attitude, condescending comments, assumed superiority, and arrogant actions are what is ‘evil’ – not the money! ‘But the money created the pride,’ some may wrongfully say; no, the choice to become prideful is what created the pride. Money is absolutely necessary for our daily survival; and if we choose, our excess money can also free up our time and create opportunities and resources that help and bless other people’s lives. We need more people who choose to acquire wealth for charitable purposes, and less people who develop the strength to financially suffer because they ignorantly believe ‘money is evil.’

11) Communication & Involvement is Essential: If you are married, are both of you involved in, informed about, and joint decision makers in the financial affairs of the family? If not, the very question should reveal the necessary changes needing to be made. Are children simply given money, or are they expected to work for and earn it? Grateful will be the child, and wise would be the parent for teaching their child this reality of life in the real world. And perhaps just as important, are children taught the very principles described in this article – saving, compound interest, credit, insurance, wants vs. needs, etc.? The fact that this article even needs to be written should suggest that our educational system fails to teach these important principles, which should suggest that if any parent is dependent upon others to teach their children these necessary financial principles – they will pay for it, literally!

12) Investing in Appreciating Assets, Not Depreciating Liabilities: How often are we personally guilty of ensuring that our car is loaded with the best features, our clothes are updated with the latest fashions, or our sheds and garages are filled with all the fun toys and tools? There is nothing necessarily wrong with having these (see point #13 below); however, how unfortunate it is when excess funds (or what’s worse – funds/debt obtained from credit) goes to obtain more toys, cars, and clothes rather than assets that will appreciate over time. The key to financial independence is not obtained through pay-raises, promotions, 401(k)’s, or even the lottery – it is obtained by applying the principles discussed in this article, and more importantly, buying appreciating assets rather than depreciating liabilities.

13) Be balanced and enjoy life also: Sometimes I read articles of couples who save every penny (literally) so they can retire at age 40. Some are able to do this, and good for them. But, let’s be realistic and also enjoy life as well. Perhaps it is setting aside a few hundred dollars a month, or just $20 – but take your wife on a date, treat your kids to pizza, go out to a movie, etc. Have fun and be balanced!

14) Give and you shall receive: Ironic that this is on the list – but it is not last suggesting it’s least important. In fact, it should be number one on this list! Learn now the great truth that when you give, you will receive. The ‘giving’ will be different for everyone. For some, it may mean giving to a charity, giving to a neighbor, to a church, to a family member, etc. But, give with no expectation or thought of reward or return, and you will receive much more in return, somehow in someway, but it will happen!

In conclusion, never forget that this is not about saving, budgeting, or investing properly – this is about happiness in your marriage and family life. A great credit score, a large bank account, an excellent insurance policy, and even a healthy retirement account are comparatively insignificant compared to the marital and family happiness, which can be achieved by applying the principles above.

The solution to such a problem is certainly easier said than done. However, perhaps the real problem does not lie in the youth’s ignorance of finance related topics, or the bombardment of media influences; perhaps the real problem lies in the inability of parents to understand, teach, and exemplify the very principles our youth so desperately need to learn. And what is it that our youth absolutely must learn? Or perhaps better phrased – what is it that parents absolutely must understand, teach, and exemplify before we can ever expect our youth to do the same? Perhaps the 8 tips below will help:

1) What Do Kids Want … That Money Can’t Buy: Our me-oriented culture has engrained into our minds that to show love or appreciation for another person, we must buy them something. As a result, our children’s closets are full, toys are everywhere, and candy is always accessible. And yet, so many children are still not satisfied and happy. Why? Because ‘wants’ are bought to temporarily replace the essential ‘needs’ each child longs for. What are those needs? They are: you, family, attention, affection, friends, discipline, acceptance, and someone to listen to and love them.

2) Credit Cards … A Necessary Evil: There are some parents who carelessly hand over their plastic to irresponsible, selfish, and undisciplined children who are allowed to buy whatever, and however much they want – and daddy will pay the bill. On the other hand, there are also ignorant parents who teach that credit cards are evil and refuse to let their children have one. To me, these are both excellent examples of horrific ways to teach basic Finance 101! Credit cards are essential in our day and age to build credit; and if used properly, they can become an asset in every regard. (How? See point #3 below)

3) How to Build Credit … And Protect It: First and foremost, parents should get a credit card for each child (the earlier the better). That does not mean you give the child the credit card, but that Dad and/or Mom will occasionally (once a month) make small purchase on the card, and pay it off in full each month. There is the first secret – pay off the credit card balance in full every month. Never miss a payment, or be late. The longer the line of credit is open, the better. Never use more than 25% of the credit limit. And, you should proactively seek to increase the credit limit … often. Then, when a parent feels the child is financially responsible enough to have the card, the child then must make occasional purchases, pay it off in full each month, etc.

However, building credit is half the battle. In our day and age, identity theft protection should be regarded just as highly as life or health insurance. Parents and children should always protect their SSN, never lose their credit cards, protect financial information online, and never answer emails or phone calls asking to ‘update information,’ etc. More importantly, regard your credit as you an asset. Why? Well, do you want lower rates, better jobs, larger loans, better pay, etc.? Than you better protect your credit

4) Consumer Debt vs. Good Debt: Is there actually such a thing as good debt? Of course! While the list is very small, it includes debt for: education, starting a business, and buying a house. Money borrowed to accumulate knowledge or an asset that will make you money, is good debt (although, I would argue that owning a home is a liability in every sense of the word). Thus, anything outside of that parameter would thus be classified as consumer debt … which should be avoided at all costs. If you don’t have cash to pay for it – don’t buy it! If you use your credit card to purchase something, do it knowing that at the end of the month you will be able to pay the balance in full (never justify a purchase because you can afford the minimum payment, or because there is no interest for 12 months, or any other foolish reasoning).

5) Save 10% … Always: Get into the habit right now that whenever you get paid any amount of money, that 10% automatically (without question) goes straight to savings or investments for the future (college fund, money for a rainy day, retirement, etc.).

6) Occasionally Going Without Is Not A Bad Thing: It is true that too much of a ‘good thing’ can actually become a ‘bad thing.’ Regardless of whether parents have the money or not to buy their children what they want, they would be wise to occasionally teach their kids the important lesson of ‘going without.’ Now, of course I am not talking about depriving your children, or withholding the basic necessities of life; but, how many times has a child wanted (not needed) this or that, and daddy bought it for them? All too often, right! This is also not to suggest that buying nice things for our children is bad; rather, parents need to stop being guilty of giving too much and expecting too little. Most importantly, we need to teach children how to: sacrifice, work, appreciate, give, share, be patient, and be content and happy with what they have.

7) Interest & Investing – The Good and the Bad: Parents must teach children what is good interest, and what is bad interest (and how to obtain it, and avoid it). In fact, teaching the valuable principle of compounding interest might be best realized by opening an investment account so the child can learn first hand how to make their money work for them. Just as important, parents must teach and help children invest early in life. Parents would be doing themselves and especially their children a great service by establishing early the habit of contributing often to: savings accounts, college funds, and IRA’s.

Secret to Wealth: Give and You Will Receive: There is a principle that is applicable and true for every aspect of our lives, especially in relation to finances. It simply is: give and you will receive! I can’t fully explain how or why it works, nor is the medium or the place to do so, but it does work! The more we think of others and help others, the more others will help us.

As is obvious, the principles described above are simply Finance 101. Ironically, as simplistic as they may seem, they are so commonly unknown – or perhaps just not implemented! Considering all the school subjects and life lessons that parents are required, and must, teach to their children, it is understandable how these finance related topics thus rarely ever get mentioned. However, my fear is that they are rarely mentioned not because they are not understood, but because they are not lived by the very parents who must teach them to their children. To teach by example is hard to do when the principles are not understood, believed, or implemented by the parents themselves! And yet, a lack of understanding or implementation of such principles still does not negate the absolute importance of teaching these principles to our children – and living them ourselves!

Thus, the question is – what am I personally doing (or not doing) in regards to my family that I can improve upon today? The list is endless; however, allow me to suggest 10 simple things that we must change and do immediately – so that when all is said and done – our families will not only have been the priority, but they will not have been influenced and shaped by the negative impact and influence of the worldly culture that so tempts us every day.

1. Turn off the TV More: I know that all of us are tired at the end of the day and simply just want to relax and turn on the TV. Like any technology, TV can be used for such good; thus, when watching TV, ensure that it is uplifting, educational, and wholesome for you and the kids. However, more importantly, lets make a resolve to turn the TV off a little more and just spend more time as a family.
2. Eat a Meal Together Daily: Growing up in a home with 8 children (yes 8), you can imagine all of the after-school music lessons, sporting activities, playing with friends, homework, etc. that each of us kids were involved in. Yet, I remember eating dinner every day with my parents and siblings. Did we miss a day here and there? Of course! Did it get harder the older us kids got? Obviously! But, my parents were determined to sit together as a family every day (even if a few kids were at an activity). Like anything in life – when we commit to something, persist and make it happen – good things will result, even if those results don’t become evident until years later! Use meal times to talk, listen, laugh, plan, communicate, and love.
3. Say I Love You Daily: This incredibly important advice applies to both your children and your spouse (if applicable). Remember, however, that love is an action, not just a word or simply a feeling!
4. Have a Daddy-Daughter or Mother-Son Date Once a Month: This ‘date’ does not need to be fancy or expensive – all your child wants is time and attention. Why is it so important to do this, and to do it consistently? Not only to build a friendship and relationship with your child, but to ensure they feel comfortable just ‘talking’ with you – so that when those challenges, temptations, and questions of life come – they will come to you, and not their friends or the influences of the world.
5. Read Together Each Night: As in each of the 4 items mentioned above, the actual ‘reading’ together is not necessarily the important thing, it is the fact that you are spending time together each day. But, like every diet you have ever started – you can’t be committed and determined for a week or two – this must be a consistent thing every day for it to have any lasting and positive impact.
6. Turn off the Computer / Internet a Little More: While the internet is certainly one of the greatest resources and tools in our lives, it also is without a doubt one of the greatest potential pitfalls for destroying our personal lives, marriages, and families. Without even discussing the violence of video games, idle time wasted ‘surfing,’ useless shows and movies we waste time on, etc. – there is an ever-increasing plague that is consuming millions of individuals (and thus, families) every single year. It is pornography. A man who looks at and participates in this filth will slowly and eventually realize that he will not only destroy his own life – but his family as well. Use the internet and computer for good, and make a resolve to turn them off more and spend more time with family.
7. Teach the Value of Work: When was the last time you and your family went outside and did some yard work together? Do the kids help with the house cleaning or dishes? What chores do the kids have, and do they have to make their bed or clean their rooms? The reality is that participating in such activities not only helps children develop good habits and certainly prepares them for the reality of ‘work’ in the real world, but it allows family to be together and spend time with each other.
8. Do Not Buy Them Everything – Teach the Value of Going Without: Despite the me-oriented society we live in, perhaps the greatest thing you can do for your child is to teach them the value of going without, sacrificing, and learning to share/give. This does not mean we can not buy our children nice (and even fun) things; but what it does mean is that whether we have the money or not, we need to teach them to go without occasionally, to work for what they want, and that sacrifice and learning to share/give is far more important than getting everything they want.
9. Have a ‘Family Night’ at Least Twice a Month: I once heard that ‘excuses are like feet – everyone has them, and they stink!’ Perhaps we each have become guilty of using the excuse that ‘I don’t have time’ for family. We need to make time! Go out to eat, go to the movies, have a game night, go for a walk, play in the back yard, just talk, etc. Do something, do it as a family, and do it consistently!
10. Be Consistent: Perhaps more importantly than anything mentioned above, we need to be consistent doing these activities, not just this week, but always. It is not enough to read this article and feel inspired and motivated to change and improve, what is important (and challenging) is being consistent with these activities every day forevermore. But if consistent is our effort, and we make time for our families, we will be extremely grateful when all is said and done!

Never forget that success in life must not be determined by the degrees obtained, institutions attended, awards won, career achievements, or wealth acquired. Real success in life should only be determined by who we become, the attributes we obtain, the kindness we show, the goodness we radiate, and the unselfish service we give. How does this relate to the topic/article at hand? Because this same standard must be the determinant of what true success is in marriage and family life. Success in marriage and family life actually has nothing to do with worldly achievements, possessions obtained, or even the accomplishments of our spouse or children. Success is only determined by who we become, the people we serve, and the attributes we develop.

Because this principle is true, it should suggest that success in spending time with family is not usually found in attending expensive concerts, going on exotic vacations, owning or visiting resort properties, dining out or shopping regularly, or even sitting down and watching TV together. Success in spending time with family most often entails simple activities that mean the most; such as: having a sincere talk, going on a drive or a walk, having a family night together, playing simple and fun games, serving or working together, or supporting children at their events and performances. It is through these simple and meaningful activities that relationships are strengthened, memories are created, trust is developed, support is given, laughter is enjoyed, life lessons are taught, and love is felt. If this standard of success is our goal, then dealing with the disappointment of certain failures will be far easier than dealing with the disappointment of certain successes if later in life we realize they were not the right successes.

1) Who Do You Want To Be: There is a commonly asked cultural question that each of us has heard and been asked on countless occasions; it is – ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ This question of course is perfectly valid and obviously important; however, it often actually replaces the much more important question we should be asking, which is – ‘Who do you want to be when you grow up?’ Our society places so much import and emphasis on the ‘what’ that we either neglect the ‘who’ or actually convince ourselves that the ‘what’ is more important than the ‘who.’ The popular baseball player, for example, is revered for his home-run hitting abilities, despite the fact that he used steroids to achieve this success. Likewise, the famous singer or actor receives not only endorsements and wealth, but unbelievable masses of followers regardless of the fact that their morals and values were discarded in order to obtain their wealth and fame.

Children must know that the ‘who’ is more important than the ‘what.’ Success in life should not be determined by the wealth we acquire, the degrees we obtain, the institutions we attend, the awards we win, the houses we live in, or the career we succeed at. True success and character is determined by ‘who’ we become – often made evident in characteristics such as: unselfishness, honesty, integrity, purity, and kindness.

2) Children Literally Can Become & Accomplish Anything: Again, the difficulty of having this important conversation with children is the fact that most parents don’t actually believe in this reality and truth themselves. And yet, truth it still is – that we literally can accomplish, become, and do anything if we truly desire, believe, and work extremely hard. Time, money, location, inheritance, or even knowledge are not the pre-requisites to success; in actuality, the formula for success is not a secret and can be achieved by anyone. Why? Because the only things required of anyone to be successful at anything are: desire, belief, commitment, faith, overcoming fears and doubts, specific goals, an organized plan, willingness to take a risk, daily action, persistence, learning from failure, and never quitting – herein lies the formula for achieving anything!

3) This Is Who We Are: What are your family rules, standards, values, or goals? What does your family stand for, or does your last name bring with it any requirement for certain behavior? If so, do your children know about these expectations and standards, strive towards them, or even accept them? Make sure you have conversations – often – with your children about who you are, what you believe, what your expectations of them are, as well as what your rules and goals are as a family.

4) Our Daily Moral Battle: Conversations about sex education, morals and standards, immodesty and appropriate behavior is unfortunately all-too-often left in the hands of school systems and text books, movies and TV shows, conversations with friends, advertisements or magazines, or even websites and chat rooms. However, these conversations must take place inside homes with parent(s) in order for them to be truly effective. Dad and/or Mom, are you talking to your kids about these important moral issues? Are you creating an environment such that when children have questions, concerns, or face decisions and peer pressure – they can and will come to you?

5) Don’t Let Our Culture Define Your Potential: We live in a society that unfortunately defines for us what success is – or should be. From our media culture, to our educational system, to our very family members and peers – we are constantly pressured to ‘live up’ to certain expectations and measurements of success. How frustrating it is when my success – and potential – is solely determined by my job title, the degrees I obtained, the school I attended, the company I worked for, the size of my bank account, the connections (or lack of) I have, the car I drive, or the career I chose, etc. Likewise, why should a high school student’s worth or popularity be determined by whether or not they are the star running back or the head cheerleader? Is the fact that you have very little time, money, or knowledge the determinant to your ability to create, have ideas, start businesses, and be successful? Our potential lies within each of us, it should be defined individually by ourselves, and never forget that it is limitless. Regardless of our education, time, money, family or connections, work experience, companies worked for or institutions attended – we literally can become and accomplish anything. The only requirement is belief, action, and persistence. This conversation is vital to have with our children – but in order for it to be effective, the parents must truly believe this!

6) Frequent Conversations: The topics listed above are important, but none are more important than this one. We must have regular conversations with our children – to just talk! The conversation does not need to be serious at all – it can be just to talk, laugh, listen, and express love. Make it a habit to take out each child, individually, at least once a month on a date – just to talk and be together. Go into their room at night and ‘just talk.’ The topic of conversation can be about anything (funny or serious) – but do it, and do it consistently.

The difficulty is not in having the conversation, or having these conversations often – it is in believing these principles and living them. Then, perhaps the conversations may not even be necessary because our children will learn these truths and principles because their parents demonstrate them through their thoughts, words, and actions.

• When was the last time you went to the movies?
• When you got home from work last night, how much TV did you watch?
• Have you taken your spouse out on a date in the last month?
• When was the last ‘Family Night’ that you and the whole family had together?
• Have you been out with friends or ‘buddies’ more than you have with your own children (or spouse) lately?
• Is that next TV show episode or the ‘big game’ more of a priority than helping the kids with their homework – or just playing with the kids?
• Does the violence, language, and immorality of the movies and TV shows you watch not even phase or bother you anymore?
• Are the kids spending more time on the computer, cell phone, or video games than they are with friends, playing, and with family?
• When was the last time you had a daddy-daughter or mother-son date?

It is unfortunately true that we each have been – or still are – guilty of allowing the entertainment of the world to occupy much more time than the time spent with our own family. While going to the movies, watching TV, being on the computer, or going ‘out’ with friends are certainly not bad in and of themselves, the reality is that we do it so often that we neglect the very spouse, children, and relationships that are most important to us. What is worse, we willingly and subconsciously allow this entertainment – which is often not family-friendly – to negatively impact and influence the feeling in our homes and the moral foundation of our family. Is it any wonder why our society is so full of violence, disrespect, laziness, selfishness, and immorality – when the majority of our time is spent in front of various electronic devices that communicate a message produced by companies whose only purpose and goal is to … make money!

Do we need to get rid of our TV’s, Computers, and Cell Phones? Of course not! What we need is self-discipline and balance. What we need is a heightened resolve to spend more time with family. What we need is an increased awareness of the absolutely negative and immoral impact most of the entertainment of the world has not only upon our children – but upon ALL of us! And, what we need are mothers, fathers, and parents everywhere who are willing to make the extra effort to turn off the TV, the cell phones, the computer, and the video games a little more – and spend more time as a family!

Perhaps what is most important to keep in mind, at the outset, is that no two parents are alike. Likewise, no two children are alike. And everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. What may work for some, might not work for others. What is considered ‘right’ by most, may be seen as ‘wrong’ by a few. And that is perfectly fine! We thus need to stop worrying about what others say, do, or don’t do, and put forth effort and focus on trying to teach, raise, and discipline our own children the ‘right’ way according to our own beliefs, situations, circumstances, personalities, and different children’s needs.

However, with that said, I personally feel there are a few things that every parent should implement while rearing and disciplining their child(ren). These are general and essential principles that must be applied regardless of parenting styles, children’s personalities, beliefs, location, or other circumstances.

1) Time Is A Friend: Every parent who has walked this planet has become frustrated, disappointed with a child’s choice, stressed or tired, been disobeyed, and even hurt or ignored at times by their children. Often in such moments, the parent seeks to teach or discipline – and rightfully so – but reacts immediately during the moment of their frustration, disappointment, or anger. Wise is the parent who rather than acting immediately, will perhaps send the child to their room while they calm down, collect their thoughts, and allow TIME to respond appropriately. Then, the disciplining and teaching can still be firm, but it will be done in a loving and calm way with a desire to teach and help.

2) Parents Must Be United: I understand that there are many homes and families that do not have two parents; but for those that do, this advice is absolutely essential. Dad and Mom must be totally united in their disciplining approach, rules, leniency, and consequences. The moment one becomes more strict or lenient, or especially if both disagree in front of the children about the rules or consequences, the child has won (or more properly phrased – the child will actually eventually lose … or be lost).

3) To Spank or Not To Spank: Let’s be clear about two things: First, in regards to spanking, there is no right or wrong answer – no black and white. The answer to this question is so different for every parent, and it may be ‘right’ for one parent and ‘wrong’ for another. And that is ok! Secondly, we must be clear about the difference between spanking and abuse. Softly spanking to simply let a child know they are in trouble and to teach them is certainly different than lashing out angrily in an abusive way. However, it is absolutely essential to ensure children undoubtedly know that if they choose to disobey, there will be consequences. Now, I have purposely chosen not to answer the actual question at hand – that is because the answer must come from you. For some parents’ style and circumstances, spanking may be ok so long as it never is abusive or done in anger. If, however, you choose not to spank, you also must ensure that there are appropriate consequences for every action, and to never be so soft that children manipulate and walk all over you.

4) Consequences Are a Result of the Child’s Actions: There once was a wise father who handed the keys of his car to his teenage son, before the son was to head out on a date with his girlfriend. The father said: “here are my keys son. This car is yours until midnight. If it is back in the driveway at midnight, you essentially have chosen the reward of using my car again next weekend. However, if you choose to be home a minute late, you have also likewise chosen the consequence of never using my car again.” True story – and wise counsel. The beauty of the story is that here was a loving dad who established rules, communicated those rules, and also set forth specific rewards and consequences of following those rules. But more importantly, he taught that it was the son’s choice – and any reward or consequence was a result of the son’s choice – not merely because those ‘are the rules.’

5) Follow Through With Consequences … and Rewards: In relation to the point above, after clearly establishing and communicating the rewards and consequences to your children, ensure that you enforce them. In the example of the teenager above, if the rule is that they can’t use the car if they come home after midnight, then enforce that if they are late. Love your child enough to teach, discipline, and help them realize the reality of real life – that there are consequences for our actions. The moment we ‘give in’ or become lenient, children quickly learn how to disregard rules, manipulate situations, and eventually get into trouble.

6) Discipline With Love – And Only Out of a Desire to Teach: If our disciplining is done out of anger, frustration, or simply to prove dominion or power – it not only is ineffective, but could potentially result in the exact opposite behavior we are trying to enforce. Alternatively, every time we discipline, it must be out of love, done with love, and only for the desire to help and teach.

In your disciplining efforts, will you make mistakes? Of course! Will you lose your patience at times? Everyone does! Learn from these mistakes, develop patience, and allow time to calm down before responding. Most importantly, DO IT! Will your children complain when they are disciplined and live with the consequences of THEIR actions? Of course! But they also will thank you in years to come that you loved them enough to not only be firm and have rules, but more importantly, disciplined them out of love only with a desire to teach, raise, and help them.

This truth is made evident in the few quotes listed below – quotes from some of the greatest leaders and thinkers of every age and land:

“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained.” ~ Winston Churchill

“They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village.” ~ Diane Sollee

“My wife has been my closest friend, my closest advisor. And … she’s not somebody who looks to the limelight, or even is wild about me being in politics. And that’s a good reality check on me. When I go home, she wants me to be a good father and a good husband. And everything else is secondary to that.” ~ Barack Obama

“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.” ~ Joyce Brothers

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” ~ Tom Mullen

“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.” ~ George Moore

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” ~ Barnett R. Brickner

“No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?” ~ Elbert Hubbard

“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” ~ Confucius

“Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to this country and to mankind is to bring up a family.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” ~ Theodore Hesburgh

“The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.” ~ Author Unknown

“When you look at your life, the greatest happiness’s are family happiness’s.” ~ Joyce Brothers

“Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.” ~ Paul Pearshall

“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.” ~ Lee Iacocca

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.” ~ Anthony Brandt

“Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.” ~ Author Unknown

“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie – not perfect but who’s complaining?” ~ Robert Brault

“No man on his death bed ever looked up into the eyes of his family and friends and said, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” ~ Author Unknown

“Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work.” ~ Author Unknown

“The best thing to spend on children is your time.” ~ Arnold Glasow

“Family is the most important thing in the world.” ~ Princess Diana

Never forget that understanding, agreeing with, being inspired by, and believing these words of wisdom is not enough! Character is changed, happiness is attained, and marriages and families are saved only though the implementation of the truths expressed above.